Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

 A dear friend of mine sent this to me and I have found it very comforting and that I would share it.

"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.

I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother."

-Unknown

Trials are ment to make us stronger and are for our good!

Well... life in this Wilson home has been a bit bumpy as of lately. We have had a lot of friends and family wondering what exactly has been going on with us and my wonderful husband has been very discreet. And it has been to protect me. First of all I just want to say that I do apologize if you have called or text or emailed us (mainly me) lately and you have not received a response. It has been because I have had an extremely hard time dealing with life and I had not been able to talk about it just yet.
So... On Christmas Eve I found out that we were expecting a child and I couldn't of been more excited. As everyone knows I have been wanting a child for years! And I kept saying that all I wanted for Christmas was to be pregnant. We called the Dr. and made our first appointment. After talking to my sister and mother about our family history I called my Dr. back and had some questions. They asked if I could come in the following week for my first appointment. I was so excited and could hardly wait. The appointment went great and the Dr. said everything was looking good. That weekend I got sick with the flu. Then on Monday morning I started to notice some very light spotting, called my sister and she told me that is very normal. Next day spotting got a little bit heavier and darker. I called the Dr. and left a msg for the nurse. Wednesday I notice I was bleeding... call the Dr. and they want to see me right away. It had only been 6 days since my last visit and when the Dr. did the ultrasound he noticed that the baby had not grown at all. He said he was really nervous about it and that I needed to go to the hospital and get some test done but that it looked like I was going to have a miscarriage. My world came crashing down! I was devastated and could not hold back my emotions. He said that on Friday he wanted me to go back to the hospital and get tested again and then we would know for sure. That night though I started to get really heavy cramps and for sure thought that I has passed the baby. I called the Dr. in the morning and made an appointment to go back in 2 wks. That day I was in a lot of pain, Kraig called and got a prescription for the pain for me. The next 4 days were some of the worst days I have been through. I was in so much pain physically and emotionally. Kraig did the best he could to make me more comfortable and to be by my side. Monday rolled around and I was still in pain so the Dr. wanted to see me asap. I went in and they did an ultra sound to find out that I was in so much pain because I had actually not passed the baby yet. They gave me 3 options, one to let my body continue on its own to try and pass the baby but that this was not recommend because my body should have already done this by now. Two to take some pills that can help my body along, but only works for %75 of women. Or Three to have a D and C.
We both agreed that if I didn't have to, that we didn't want to have the surgery. So we decided to try the pill and the Dr. said that in a week if I had not passed the baby that I would need to have the surgery. On Wednesday after noon my body passed that baby.The Dr. didn't say exactly why I miscarried, but that it probably had something to do with what happened at conception.
I can not describe the pain I have felt over the past few weeks. I have gone from angry to sad to completely broken. My heart hurts that I will never get to hold that sweet child and tell it how much I had already grown to love it in such a short time. I wish I could say I understand why this has happened but I can't and don't know if I ever will. I have shed more tears that I ever though I had. I have lay in bed for hours praying.
What I do know for sure it that my Heavenly Father had a different plan for this child that I had and I am grateful for the small time that I had to carry it. I am so grateful that I am sealed to my husband and that one day I will be with this child. I know that my Father in Heaven knows what I can and can't handle and that I have Him to lean on during times of trial. I know that some spirits are only ment to gain and body however small. I know that I am suppose to go through this trial at this time in my life to be able to grow closer to Him. I have felt His love so strong in the past weeks and I am so grateful that I am able to have His spirit with me.
My wonderful mother and sister flew me home for a couple of days and I am so grateful they did. There is nothing like being with family when you feel like your life is crashing down. My amazing husband and been so strong for me and has help me through this and with out him I don't think I would be feeling such peace. I am so grateful that I have the priesthood in my home what a comfort it has brought to me.
I am taking every day one day at a time.Some days are better than others and some days I just have to cry my eyes out again and again. I went to the Dr. on Tuesday and they said that everything is looking good and that we are ok to try again when ever we are ready. So we will see what happens and what the Lord has planned for us.
Thank you to all of those who have sent their love and support and prayers. We have felt them so much and are very grateful. I am blessed to have so many wonderful people who love me.

Utah

We officially moved to Utah right before the new year. Life has been cold and ummm... eventful. We are almost pretty much settled in and starting to get into a routine. It has been of course cold for us and quite an adjustment from the warm weather in Arizona... and oh how I miss the Arizona sun already. Kraig has started school and is really enjoying attending BYU! I have had to go back to cosmetology school for 2 months in order to get my license transferred. It has been an adventure already but it is a means to an end right?! Right now we are just trying to get used to our new life and we shall see what 2011 will bring to us in Utah.

changes

This weekend kraig and I moved all of our stuff up to utah. It was an extremely short trip but very productive. We left midnight on Thursday night with kraigs mom and grandparents. We took three cars... the truck moving truck and explorer. The drive up went great and we got there sooner than expected which is always awesome! We could not of done it with our kara grandma and grandpas help. Thank you so much for everything. We love you and we are so greatful for all that you do for us. we sure are blessed with amazing family who are always willing to help us. We arrived in utah in the afternoon and my super hero brother garrett came to our rescue and helped us unload the moving truck is speedy time. Honestly if he had not helped us we would of never gotten it all done as fast as we did. We then had dinner with kraigs aunt and cousins and grandparents and mom at the old spegetti factory. Then we passed out at home. Saturday everyone come to help us unpack and oh how I love each and everyone of you for your help. Kraig and his grandpa put together a dresser for our room and it took them 4 hrs and they were so happy to finally finish it. Then to our disappointment the dang thing was leaning forward and it was not going to work out. So the poor guys had to take it apart and return it! Never again will I but furniture from target! It was so frustrating! We then were on our way to dinner at pf changs and it was an hour and half wait and I was starving... so we returned to old spagetti factory bc they had no wait! At that point I didn't care where we went bc I could of eaten my arm I was so hungry. We finnally got to see austin Saturday night and I was so sad that we didn't get to spend more time with him especially since it was the last time I will see him before he goes to russia till the summer. We wil miss you austin. Then it was back on the road again at 6am in Sunday morning. Whew all I had to do was blink and the weekend was gone. We got the house 3/4 of the way done. We will be now staying at kraigs parents house till after christmas then we will be up in utah for the next couple of years at least. I am so greatufl for all of my wonderful family who supports us in everything and is always willing to help us. I love you all and am so blessed. I am excited and nervous for our new adventure. I know this is where the Lord wants us to be and that brings me great comfort. I am excited to know what the furture holds for this small wilson family. We love the Lord and we are greatful for the direction He gives us in our life.

Soon we will say goodbye to AZ

Yep Kraiger and I are moving... We are moving to Utah! Back in the spring Kraig decided to apply for the wither 2011 semester at BYU. I will admit that I was not thrilled about the idea because I have moved 3 times since we got married. I love Arizona and have met some the most amazing people here. We have family here that I love and get to see all the time. I really thought this would be our home. But upon looking into buying a home here Kraig got his acceptance letter! As soon as we opened it I knew that it was were the Lord wants us to be. Kraig is so excited to go to BYU and can hardly wait. I am excited as well for a new adventure. We both have friends and family living there also so it will make the move a lot easier. I am most excited to live near my twin little brothers Garrett and Austin. I love them so much and I know we will have a blast together! In October we will be taking a trip there to figure out all of the details of the move and then in December we will move there. At first I was nervous about it but as I have prayed and felt the comfort of my Heavenly Father I know we are doing the right thing. I know we will be taken care of and be blessed for following the Lords plan. We are so blessed to have the Gospel in our lives. I am so proud of Kraig and all his hard work.I know we will miss Arizona and our wonderful friends and family but we will just have to come back and visit!
On another note Kraig and his brother Kendall did a triathalon in August and both finished ahead of their goal! They are amazing! I dont know if I would be able to do that! I know Kraig will miss his big brother the most when we move!

what is going on...

It is official I suck a blogging... I am just too busy to take time and do it! Don't worry though I am no giving up just yet... I am not a quiter! So what has been going on in hot az u ask... kraig finished his winter semester of skl in may and has been enjoying having some free time. I have been enjoying actually seeing him everyday as to only 4 days of the week! He has been work more at the outback and has also taken on some new responsibilites there too which r keeping him there till late at night but he is really liking it. Kraig is also training for a triathalon which will take place in october at lake powell. His brother kendall and him have been traing in the late hours of the night! I am so excited to cheer him on and admire his determination! I am still working at ulta salon and loving it! The girls there have become my really good friends so it makes it so much fun to come to work. Thank you ladies. I went home to WA at the end of april/ begining of jMay and had a blast on a girls weekend with my mom and two sisters. I also got to go to my dear friend Rochelles wedding. It was so gerat to see her so happy... love u row sham bow! We have been enjoying the az sun by taking as many day trips as possible to the river with Howie and my inlaws dog Kramer. Also we have been soaking up the rays by the pool. For my bday we took a camping trip out to Payson with some friends and still managed to have a great time even though at night we only got about 3 hrs of sleep due to a hole in the air matress and 35 degree weather! Kraig and I ended up sleeping in the car that night... it is really funny now looking back on it. I love camping and had a wonderful bday with the hubby and good friends!

what is goingroingingngo